A collection of pagan lightbulb jokes
reprinted from the Compost NewsLetter
These jokes have been carefully hand-tooled by genuine Witches and handed down through the millennia as a precious part of our tradition...
• How many Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
Into what?
• How many Pagans...?
Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that
lightbulbs never burned out before those Christians came along.
• How many Garderians...?
1.) Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
2.) (in a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...initiate?"
• How many Alexandrians ...?
1.) Dunno - we haven't looked it up in the Gardnerian Book Of Shadows yet.
2.) Thirteen. One High Priestess to change the bulb, and twelve to hold her up under all that jewelry.
• How many Brit Trad Wiccans...?
Thirteen. One to change the bulb, and twelve to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
• How many Fam Trad Witches...?
1.) Candlelight was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
2.) Go ask your own grandmother!
• How many Dianic Lesbian Witches ...
THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
• How many Thelemites ...
1.) Ninety-three.
2.) None -- real Thelemites aren't afraid of the dark.
• How many Druids...?
Five hundred and one. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.
• How many ADF Druids ...?
Six. One to change the bulb, one to write a song about how much better the old
bulb was, and four to write conflicting parodies of the second Druid's song.
• How many Reclaiming witches ...?
(plaintively) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light
bulbs..."
• How many Frost "School of Wicca" Witches...?
"Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete
"Witches' Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that
you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a
young couple from Wisconsin who..."
• How many Erisians ...?
"How many have we got?"
• How many Discordians ...?
Five Tons.
• How many Buckland Witches ...?
"Refer to my second book, Practical Light Bulb Changing by Raymond
Buckland..."
• How many Tantrics ...?
Two, as long as the lamp is by the bed...
• How many Ceremonial magicians ...?
One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
and (drumroll, please):
• How many solitary Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
(if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you
wait for them to grasp the obvious)